4 Tips for Reducing Perfectionist Tendencies
In many ways this is a tough article to write as I reflect on some of my own struggles with perfectionism in the past. Since experiencing burnout, this is one of the traits I have focused letting go of the most. I now find myself actively seeking opportunities to experiment, to fail, to ‘try’ before I am really ready, or to disregard that typo I may have noticed on a slide moments before presenting.
It’s been a journey of liberation, release and of self-compassion, and a path I needed to tread, no matter how difficult owning the truth has been. If you’ve ever struggled with perfectionism, here are some tips so that you don’t allow it to stop you from fully living your best life.
In one of my favourite books, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes perfectionism as a defensive move:
“[Perfectionism] is the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen”. - Brené Brown
So what have I learned while leaning in to this discovery?
HOW PERFECTIONISM STOPS YOU FROM LIVING FULLY
1. Procrastination
Many perfectionists get locked into stalling tactics when they fear not producing their best quality work. This often leads to ‘burning the midnight oil’ in advance of pending deadlines.
2. You’re not too fun to be around
Placing high expectations on yourself often leads to imposing that belief system on others. This can lead to rigid thinking, excessive control, an inability to delegate, showing a lack of trust in peers or subordinates, and generally a high stress environment for everyone in the team.
3. Lack of happiness
The pressure to be ‘perfect’ can place enormous strain on our mental resources leading to elevated stress levels, anxiety, struggles with self-doubt, a fear of disapproval, or rejection. It creates a lingering feeling of lack or never being good enough.
4. Workaholism
Perfection is an elusive goal and the constant pursuit of it is generally at the expense of our health. Perfectionists tend to work longer hours and later hours while they continue to ‘tinker’ at likely small changes to get things ‘just right’.
5. Negative thinking traps
Perfectionism is often underpinned by pervasive ‘all or nothing’ belief systems, a fear of failure and/or a lack of self-worth. These feelings might arise during childhood and either come to be validated or invalidated through adulthood.
4 WAYS TO REDUCE YOUR PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES
1. Don’t sweat the small stuff
When you notice you start to correct things compulsively take a minute to question what sits behind that. Also think about the purpose of the work and your audience. Are you working on a thought starter or a finished product? Something for a peer or senior management? An internal or an external audience? Align the level of your need to correct things with the intended output so you can better focus your time and energy. Good enough and done is better than perfect.
2. Lower your attachment to work and broaden your identity beyond the office
Perfectionism is most prolific when our personal identity is largely wrapped up in our career and we don’t have enough outside interests. Make work one part of your life and not the only thing in your life.
3. Fail and allow yourself to grow
Think back to some of your most pivotal life moments. Isn’t it out of failure that we most learn? Embrace the feeling of imperfection. Understand that it’s reflective of trying and it’s part of the human condition to make mistakes. Indeed, many great inventions were borne of them.
4. Healthy striving is a better way to channel any perfectionist tendencies
A growth mindset continues to facilitate the achievement of high standards but from a position of self-acceptance and self-compassion; viewing failure as a way to improvement.
So am I a recovering perfectionist now? Well I like to think so but I’m realistic in the knowledge that old habits can take time to move on. It continues to be a journey but I’m definitely discovering a whole lot of joy and ease in letting go of what doesn’t serve me.
If you’d like to work with your perfectionist tendencies, mindfulness can help you recognise them so you can overcome them. Sign up for a free orientation to learn more about the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class that can help you reduce stress and burnout.
This post was also published in Thrive Global on 10 July 2020.